Forgiveness is for giving
There is always a need for forgiveness, but the more intimate the injustice, the more difficult to move past the pain. That being said, not all offenses are created equal simply because the values of an individual and those of a group are not equal. Forgiveness is needed after some kind of violation, but my threshold for hurt will differ from another’s.
For example, if someone insults me by association to one of the culture groups I belong to, the blow will be relative to the group. My nationality and my ethnic associations are valued, but are not as close to my heart as my surname or my denomination. Attacks against a general population of which I am a part are easier for me to forgive than those launched against my person and those I love.
Belonging to several different classes of culture groups, I feel it is imperative that members of a culture critique and evaluate the practices and values of their own culture group. This action should translate into both public and private behaviour, which indicates a reflective vision enabling a culture group to move forward past collective wrongs.
There are some for whom the self-deprecating action of admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness is not enough to erase the compounded hurts of personal or societal transgressions. People who fall into this category do not accept general apologies from a group’s spokesperson. Instead these people use the vulnerability of the group’s acceptance of responsibility to attack the validity of their values. However, I believe that this minority negative response should not undermine the strength and vitality of a culture group. In fact, the admission of guilt and seeking forgiveness only serves to reinforce the credibility of the person or group, as well as increase my admiration for the communicating party.
In no way does an apology or admission of wrong that emerges from introspective criticism undermine the strength and value of a culture. If anything, it demonstrates an awareness of how the group’s actions impact those on the cultural periphery of a group’s influence. It is also an important step towards acknowledging weaknesses and moving towards positive change. Only through the process of reflection and reevaluation can culture groups determine best practices for future interactions.
Forgiveness on a cultural level compares to personal forgiveness in its scope and serves the same purpose of relationship restoration. It can be either sought or unsolicited, but in each case the victimized party offering forgiveness releases themselves from the burden of carrying anger and also the other party from the burden of blame. While those causing pain through their action or inaction are still accountable for what they did or did not do, they are no longer responsible for the emotional obstacles of those offering forgiveness.
On a cultural level, forgiveness is found in taking responsibility, apologizing for the part one group played in hurting another, and asking for forgiveness; much the same as when forgiveness is sought on a personal level. For one culture group to admit a wrong is humbling, but does not guarantee that they will be forgiven.
In Canada, Prime Minister Stephen Harper “recognized that the absence of an apology for Canada’s role in the misguided policies of the Indian Residential Schools was an impediment to the healing and reconciliation with the Native peoples...He then asked for the forgiveness of the aboriginal people of this country for failing them so profoundly” (Augi, 2011, paragraph 1). The Residential School system was designed for the education of First Nations children, but involved practices of removing children from their immediate families and enforcing punishments for any use of language or ritual that was not Anglo-approved. Unfortunately, there are many reported cases of physical, mental, and sexual abuse associated with these experiences and the breakdown of the First Nations social infrastructure is linked to the separation of families. It is a sad part of Canada’s inter-cultural history and the effects are felt by those of many generations.
Prime Minister Harper’s apology allowed First Nations people to be “much more healed than before because [they] have been able to come to a place where [they] can say ‘I forgive’” (Kenny Blacksmith, cited in Gyapong, 2010, paragraph 3). Similar sentiments were shared at the National Forgiven Summit that was organized by the Gathering Nations International organization. This coalition of First Nation, Inuit, and Metis provides a cultural foundation for forgiveness of the dominant Canadian government’s omission of action. The apology incited discussions of forgiveness, which led to the drafting of the Charter of Forgiveness and Freedom (2010) signed by survivors and children of survivors of the Residential School system in Canada. Moving forward with this officially forgiving step was empowering to the First Nations people, who “knew that forgiveness had to be a step of faith and trust in God to achieve the impossible. [They] knew that [they] could not demand restitution in the form of compensation nor could [they] ask anyone to make all things right first before [they] could forgive” (Augi, 2011, paragraph 2).
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| Drafted in response to Prime Minister Harper's 2008 apology. Signed June 11-13, 2011 at the National Forgiven Summit. |
Compared to cultural forgiveness, personal forgiveness appears to be more involved than legislated kindness. While the cultural responsibility of the Canadian government is to ensure that the types of travesties that were committed in the Residential School system do not occur later, that particular wrong has ceased and the wronged culture group has officially forgiven them. Essentially, it appears to be finished and wrapped up in a neat documented package. Personal wrongs are experienced on a day-to-day basis, which makes the forgiveness of personal violation more important and impressive.
For example, the recent story of a man befriending his brother’s killer bears the headline: From Anger to Forgiveness (Arce, 2013). It explores the 20-year journey of a man whose innocent brother was senselessly murdered. He encountered his brother’s killer while visiting another friend of his in prison, and “The meeting would transform both men’s lives” (Arce, 2013, paragraph 16). The brother approached the perpetrator and said that he had been praying for him. The murderer had expected a different reaction. Their relationship continued as the brother of the victim advocated for an early parole and took steps to help his brother’s killer get his life back on track.
Michael Rowe, the murderer, says that “I think for me, forgiveness will come in doing good works, trying to help others. But as far as forgiving myself I don’t think I will ever get to that place” (Arce, 2013, paragraph 20).
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| Michael Rowe and Anthony Colon |
The personal forgiveness to which Rowe refers is both that extended to him by the brother of the man he murdered, as well as that he can grant to himself. On both personal levels, it is a challenge. Accepting the forgiveness offered by the hurt family member is somehow easier than extending forgiveness toward himself. In this way, personal forgiveness is more difficult to attain and maintain than is cultural forgiveness. Responsibility has been taken, retribution has been served, but the act of forgiving will be a daily and inconsistent practice, both for the wronged and the wrongdoer.
Forgiveness can be taught, but it is more meaningful to instruct on the importance of the action rather than the process. We can model forgiveness, and teach how to move past a difficult event, but I feel that the cultural and personal significance of why forgiveness is needed should be emphasized. A rationale of why we forgive includes promoting unity, allowing healing, reducing violence, providing opportunities, and serving community on a global, local, and personal level. This topic could be taken by an academic course and adopted into the discussions of ethics, social justice, communication, legal frameworks, business, education, and nearly any other disciplinary focus. Teaching students, both young and old, about the importance of forgiveness will precede the practice. By illustrating the implications of a forgiving person, society, and culture, these ideal environments can be formed on the foundation of knowledge.
In my first year of teaching, I was a person in progress, more immature and insecure than I am today. I was the 21-year old adult in charge of a classroom of children whose ages ranged from 9-15. It was hard. As children will do, the community I was shaping pushed boundaries that I hadn’t known I needed to establish and I took a great deal personally.
In one instance, I had set up a course of drills for the students to complete in partners and left the classroom to take care of a brief errand. When I returned, I found that the students had reorganized themselves into an equally valid and similar activity, but not the one I had asked them to do. In retrospect, they were still practicing the skill I had instructed them in and they had demonstrated creativity and problem solving in finding a way to integrate my lesson and their own interests. But I only saw a threat to my authority, and I reacted badly. I asked them to stop and explain why they couldn’t simply do what I had asked them to. I had them form a line and respond to the question of who was the teacher in the classroom, them or me. They knew the answer, even when I might not have.
An unlucky coincidence was that the timing of this conversation fell right at the end of the time allotted for the activity, but they didn’t know about this scheduling happenstance. All they knew was that after I interrupted their deviant activity, I told them that this section of our study was complete and they needed to return to the classroom immediately to continue with our math exercises. It was intentionally abrupt and interpreted as punitive, which in an unplanned way it kind of was. I felt vindicated and justified at the time, and now only feel remorse. I didn’t value the organic learning opportunity that presented itself, and I curbed the enthusiasm of a class of cooperating creative students, who were demonstrating the very traits that I intended to elicit. Following my first year of full-time instruction, I had a difficult time forgiving my students for making life so difficult for me.
Now, several years removed from that time, I hope that my detrimental attitude did not deprive them of any significant or formative experience. I know now that I have only myself to forgive for the failures I remember. And goodness knows I remember a lot. I remember a note that two thoughtful grade five girls co-authored that read: “Dear Mrs. Ruiz, sometimes it feels like you don’t even want to be here.” They were right, and I was so wrong. I can’t go back and change who I was then and the year that we had, but I can forgive myself and be better. It is difficult, and at this point, I can only try. It will take time, but the guilt and the shame I feel about my behaviour as a leader and a role model has moved me to revalue all of my actions and my interactions. I am a better listener, communicator, evaluator, planner, and community-builder because of the lasting negative memory from that classroom.
I am ashamed, but I am improved. I am more forgiving towards others, and attempting to love myself as I have grown to love my neighbour so that I can properly adhere to the golden rule.
Like many of the testimonies shared in the documentary film, I believe that there is a strong connection between faith and forgiveness. In practicing forgiveness in our daily lives, we can embrace the forgiveness extended towards us by God. I know I will never be worthy of it, but its presence in the face of my personal unworthiness moves me towards recognizing injustice and intolerance on a cultural level. I want to be a forgiving person and belong to culture groups that faithfully forgive as well.
Works Cited:
Arce, Rose (2013). From Anger to Forgiveness: Man Befriends Brother's Killer. CNN Belief Blog. Retrieved
from: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2013/04/13/from-anger-to-forgiveness-man-befriends-brothers-killer/?hpt=hp_c3 on April 14, 2013.
Augi, Robert Moses (2010). The Door of Restoration. The Charter of Forgiveness and Freedom. Retrieved from: http://gatheringnations.ca/charter/ on April 14, 2013.
Gyapong, Deborah (2010). First Nations Offer Forgiveness. The Catholic Register. Retrieved from: http://www.catholicregister.org/news/canada/item/8546-first-nations-offer-forgiveness on April 14, 2013.
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